I’m feeling inspired this week. It’s probably due to the fact that not only is it the week leading up to our anniversary, but also because the topic of which I’m most inspired to write about is of course, my husband. So really I don’t need any other reason than that.
I’m saving my anniversary post for our actual anniversary date (tomorrow), so this one is a prequel to that. I wanted to talk more specifically about my husband and what he has done for me in the 2 years we have been married. While I can attribute the good qualities in me towards a number of things, the greatest qualities, values and belief in myself is a result of my husband and his love and care for me.
If you had of told me 2 years ago that my marriage would be as it is today, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. You see, 2 years ago, I was quite naive as to how married life truly worked and I honestly believed that it would be an extension of our dating life. Boy was I wrong. You’ll read in my anniversary post what marriage has taught me in the last 2 years, but for this post you’ll read about what my husband has taught me about myself.
I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve always had an internal struggle with myself and my self esteem. External contributing factors during my teenage years can be credited for that but for the elongated duration, that is on me. We all have that little voice inside that constantly doubts and poses questionable statements internally that cause you to have minor breakdowns in moments of weakness. Mine tends to be a little louder than little. Sometimes it screams. Sometimes it’s so loud it’s deafening. And sometimes it makes me a little delusional. In the past, I’ve had to rely on myself to get through it and to silence those doubts. But since being married, I’ve no longer had to rely on just me. My husband has been the most amazing support in my lack of confidence. He constantly tells me how beautiful I am or how he loves my outfit or hair or just anything really that builds me up that little bit more. He has made me doubt my doubts and start believing a little bit more.
I can do and be anything I want.
Through no fault of my husband, since being married, I have lost a lot of passion and creativity for life and what it has to offer. I’ve allowed myself to settle and be happily unhappy at a mediocre life. I’ve let excuses and fears dictate my path and I’ve allowed myself to be ok with that. I guess once I got married, my mindset changed to being a good wife and being a support to my husband and in the process I forgot about me. Work got in the way, health got in the way and overall my entire creative mind was lost. My husband is my number one fan, my biggest inspiration and my constant supporter. He encourages creativity, he encourages passion and he encourages me. He is constantly thinking of ways to help me rebuild my creative mind and he is constantly providing ways and means for me to do so. He is my driving force in every creative aspect. He is the reason you are even reading this blog.
Nothing is worth giving up on.
Growing up, I was never one to give up on something. I liked to see things through and if I wasn’t able to for some reason, an alternative would be found. I always aimed to see the positive in a situation and would forever be pursuing ways to keep going. As I got older, my tolerance and patience diminished and I found myself even questioning why I tried so hard. I found myself finding reasons to justify quitting and sometimes I didn’t even have a reason other than I’m tired of trying. It got so far as me almost giving up on my husband and then ultimately giving up on myself. Through it all, my husband gave me every reason to not give up and to never give up again. He showed me things are able to change and will change and that it’s worth waiting for those changes. He is the ultimate reason for my perseverance.
Love can soften the hardest of hearts.
This is something I always believed but never experienced first-hand. I guess you’re always taught love will trump evil but it’s hard to imagine when there are so many modern day examples of that failing. My husband had a hardened heart which can be credited to many different things throughout his life. He had learnt to be tough and not allow any room for softness or “weakness”. He had taught himself to be self reliant and had perfected the art of distancing himself enough to allow for a clean break if needed. Because of this, a lot of tough times made up the first year of our marriage. It’s hard to teach new things to an adult who has lived his life a certain way for so long and especially someone who has never allowed himself to rely on anyone else in every aspect and way possible. I won’t lie and say it was easy; it was one of the hardest journeys of my life so far. In saying that, it has been the most rewarding. To see the change in him every day and to see where he was to where he is now is so amazing. He is my ultimate example of what the power of love can do. I loved him enough to love him through it and he loved me enough to keep going.
I am worth the effort.
Growing up surrounded by hard workers and having a strong work ethic built inside of me, I always knew I would marry someone who worked hard and valued work. I knew I would marry someone who had the desire to work and do what he could to not only provide but to better himself and give himself opportunities to grow and develop in the world. My husband is someone who never stops working. He is constantly finding ways to better himself or better our situation. He is constantly wanting to stretch himself as far as he can to ensure I don’t have to. He has shown me that I am worth the effort he gives and shows for me. I have been working since I could count money on my own and have spent most of my legally able working life in a job. I’ve never not worked- until this year. Because of him I have been able to leave my job to spend some time not only getting healthy, but focusing on myself. He has given me the opportunity to be me in whatever form that takes. It takes a lot for me to allow someone to do something like that for me and to have him so willingly provide that avenue for me is a blessing. He is my example of a purposeful hard worker.
It’s ok not to be ok.
After only ever really relying on my mother and having her as my go to growing up, I didn’t really know how to be outside of myself. I tried to deal with things on my own and tried my best to come across as a strong confident woman no matter what I was dealing with. I had the mindset that even if I wasn’t ok I needed to fake it until I was. I never really let myself actually be okay with being unhappy. I tried to be strong for myself and those around me. Turns out it’s not really the best idea because eventually it has to come out and when it does, it really does. Since having my husband around, he’s taught me that I can lean on him and talk to him when something is bothering me or weighing heavy on my mind. When my anxiety gets too much, he calms me down. When I’m sick, he helps me feel better. I’ve learned to not be so independent but rather be ok with being dependent on him. He taught me something that I’ve struggled with for a long time; that I don’t have to be ok all the time and now, I know that when I’m not, he’ll be there until I’m ok again.
The smallest things can make the biggest difference.
I’m constantly amazed by what my husband finds amazing about me. It’s never in the grand gestures or obvious things, but rather the small, often unintentional things that he finds the most joy and appreciation for. I always want to be the best wife and support person for him. I always want to make sure he knows I love him and that I will do anything for him. And while he is appreciative of everything I do for him, it’s the small things that make him smile the biggest or fill him with emotion. I always thought I needed to do and be everything and constantly make sure I was aware of what he needed and what needed to be done, but he has shown me that most of the time, it’s just me that he appreciates most. He has shown me that sometimes the little things are what matter most.
I am because he is.
Maybe one of the greatest things my husband has taught me about myself is that I am because he is. Where I fail with my shortcomings and faults, he fills the void and it is the same with me for him. We have moulded and created something beautiful and something to be treasured. I have learnt how to live in a way to bless both him and I and I have learnt more about myself than I could have any other way. My life now is intertwined with his and the thought of not having him leaves me crippled because I need him. He is my world.
Out of all the things my husband has taught me, it is that marriage is a journey.. a hard one, but a rewarding one. He has taught me that marriage really is the only way to go and I’m blessed that he thought me cool enough to want to be stuck with me forever.
Happy anniversary my love. Thank you for all you do and are for me. Here’s to eternity 💙
Mrs Yolo xo