“Time itself is an interesting concept. At certain times in your life, it may feel like it drags on, and then just like that it can go too fast. There is either too much or not enough. It is either in your favour or not. You can only have one aspect of time but not both.” – Me
Recently I’ve learnt a few things about time. More specifically I’ve learnt just how important and influential it is in relation to your relationships.
With every different relationship, time is regarded in different ways. With friends, it could be the time in which you haven’t seen each other. For husband and wife, it’s the time you spend together. Children, is the time invested in them. Family, the time spent creating memories. Work, how much is worth your time. Leisure, where is the time left.
Today I wanted to focus on time. The time in my life, the time I have, don’t have and wish for.
Right now in my life and in my marriage, I know I am starting to get to a good place. My husband and I are going from strength to strength and our relationship is the best it has been since we got married. The thing is, I feel like there isn’t enough hours in a day to get the time I need with my husband. We spend 8+ hours at work 5 days a week, then come home and it’s straight onto our personal business and my blogging for another couple hours. By the time we get what we need to done for the day, it’s time to get in bed. We are able to make time to be together, but lately with the business growing the way it has, it requires just that little bit of extra attention. I guess that brings me to resenting the lack of time left in a day. It’s what inspired this post among other things. I guess I needed a way to vent about what’s been happening and it all feels like time is the culprit. My point of this section, is we have to make more time for one another. While you can be spending time together doing whatever, or travelling to work together or whatever else it may be, we have to actually make an effort to spend real, quality time with one another. Talk about your day, go on a date, leave the electronics at home or turned off and just be with one another. I think more problems in a marriage would be solved if we just took the time to actually be with one another.
Since getting married, I feel like the time I have with my friends is spent very differently as opposed to when I was single. While I regard the relationship exactly the same as before I got married, the time I have to behave and engage the same way has changed; the added factor of living in different countries adds to that as well. When I lived in Australia, it was me and my girls. We had all the time in the world to be together. We went on road trips, shopping trips, hit the beach, attended parties and created amazing memories I still treasure today. At the time of life I was at, I didn’t have very many worries or very many responsibilities. I was able to create the time to be free with my girls. We laughed, cried, took silly photos, danced and became closer with every hangout. My girls became my family away from home. Since moving back, I miss them a lot. Living in a separate country from your best girlfriends is tough. Video chats and texting really isn’t enough sometimes. With our differing schedules, time differences and different stages in life, it’s hard to co-ordinate times that work for us both. I haven’t seen some of my best friends since my wedding almost 2 years ago. This year, I want to make a better effort to stop time and make time for them. I know when I need them they’ll be there and the same goes for them, I’ll be there when they need me. But it’s the in between moments where we don’t need each other that I want to be there anyway.
The family relationship is such an important part of any person’s development. It is with your family you learn the key values and principles you will uphold throughout your life. It is where you learn life lessons and are moulded into who you are meant to be. With the ever-changing world around us, it can be a challenge to find the time to be a family; scratch that. There really is no excuse to not have family time. Children need their parents. Parents should need their children. At a time when kids are learning, parents should be taking the time to teach and nurture their kids. Making an effort to talk to them and find out what’s going on in their lives is something that should be done. Of course we all have responsibilities and jobs and careers and everything else that comes with being an adult, but nothing should surpass your responsibility of being a parent. Likewise for kids; they should be making an effort to build a relationship with their parents. Too often these days kids are being left behind and left to deal with life on their own. With suicide rates among children and teens growing, now, if not more than ever, is the time for us to be present and engaged.
Following along with family, comes the children specifically. It’s about making time to be with them, to really be with them. Make memories that will far outlive the money spent or the mess made. Have family dinners where you ask about their day. Get to know them well enough that you know when something is off. Too often I see parents around me not investing time in their kids. Kids are labelled naughty or too hard to handle. They are left to fend for themselves and to navigate the crazy world around them. Yes, kids these days are more mature than when we were growing up, yes they are more tech savvy and in a lot of ways able to understand a lot more because of it, but that doesn’t mean they are intellectually able to understand just exactly what’s going on. I think because we see just how ‘grown up’ these kids are, we automatically assume they can handle themselves. They can’t. We have to take the time to sit down and realise that. There is nothing more valuable than a parent’s time. You don’t even have to be the parent. Older siblings, cousins, aunties, uncles… We just need to give our kids more time.
How much of your life is centered on this? More than it should be I’m guessing. With the economy continually rising and the cost of living going with it, it can be easy to justify just how much time we spend working. But at the cost of having everything materialistically, just what are you gaining in every other aspect of life? Because we can be so focused on making money, are we losing the focus of what really matters? Family, friends, life experiences-so many different things we can be spending more time on other than work. I get it, we need money to survive, but I don’t want to spend my life working so hard that I don’t have a life to enjoy. Take time out. Enjoy the scenery, go for a drive, treat yourself; enjoy life as well. Work isn’t everything.
Leisure: like it says in my work section, are we making the time for us? Is your ‘ME’ time important? Is it a priority? Do you have time to learn new skills or develop existing talents? While it’s important to incorporate everything else in life, it is also important to spare time for you. Sometimes we get so caught up in life and everything we have going on, that we can forget to stop and breathe. I forget that. I’m so focused on trying to organise my life and make sure I get everything done that I need to, and I don’t really stop until I get in bed. That’s no life to live. If you read my goals for the year, I wanted to create a life I love to live. If I don’t take the time to look after me, how can I do that? How can you? Me time is just as important as anything else time. While I prioritise everything above ME, I’m now trying to remember that it is equally as important as anything else I have going on in life.
I’ve come to realise that time is only as much as we allow. We can be great at time management, great at organising and planning, but without the effort and setting of priorities, time can get away from us. If we don’t take the time to focus on now, time can get away from us. Look at your kids, your family and friends; if you really look, you’ll see the effects of time.. Effects you wouldn’t have seen if you didn’t stop to look. Life is too short to constantly focus on tomorrow, sometimes we have to focus on today to make it to tomorrow. I know for me, I don’t want to spend all of today on working towards tomorrow, because tomorrow might not come for me.. And then what? My today would have been less than what it could have been if I was present in the present.
While I understand it’s important to focus on the future, I think it’s just as important to focus on now; on today. Prepare for the future, but strengthen and build your now. By doing so, you will have a life your future you can thank you for.
What are you struggling to make time for? Let me know in the comments below! Any advice you could share to help me juggle time better?
Mrs Yolo xo