“The couples that are meant to be are the ones that go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out stronger than they were before.” -Anonymous
When I was teenager, I would spend so many days on Pinterest looking at photos of weddings and obsessing over cute little relationship quotes that I would pin and think heck yes that’s going to be me one day.
With every relationship that I had, I would put my heart and soul into it, hoping for a relationship those quotes pointed out were perfect. I kept hoping by being this perfect girl I would get a perfect outcome. However, that wasn’t for me, until I met my future husband. At the time I met him, I wasn’t actually sure I was even looking for a boyfriend, let alone a husband. I barely even had any friends in the same country so that was kind of my main priority at the time. Maybe that’s why it worked out so perfectly. I wasn’t trying to be anyone but myself.
When I met my future husband, everything I didn’t know I was looking for, I found. Every quote or relationship I had looked up to, suddenly was standing right in front of me.
I no longer had the need to daydream over Pinterest and it’s relationship quotes, because every day with my husband was worthy of its own individual quote.
The funny thing about those quotes, is how focused they are on dating or on the honeymoon phase of a relationship. Rarely do you find any that highlight the struggles of marriage, how often the lows will occur, how you will lose and find yourself countless times and just how much work is put into a marriage. Rarely will you see the hardships of marriage glorified or quoted next to a photo of a couple holding hands or laughing or whatever else they do.
The problem with this, is everyone who dreams of the relationship found in those quotes, doesn’t realize what it takes to get there. These sugar coated quotes only show the aftermath of what the struggles and trials bring. The beauty of your relationship is then reflected in how you handle those experiences.
If I could, I would create a whole bunch of quotes that highlight what marriage really is. What a relationship to be attained really looks like.
To me, marriage is where two different people come together and create a life together. It’s where your weaknesses and their weaknesses are turned into strengths because of that other person. It’s where you learn more about yourself than you ever knew before.
The relationship to be dreamed about is found not in the happy moments, but in the sad moments. The love isn’t seen in the gifts or in the grand gestures, it’s found in the silent hugs when you’re down and in the kisses after an argument.
The perfect relationship isn’t founded on perfect. It’s found in the imperfections.
People forget that when you marry someone, you marry everything about them. The good, bad, beautiful, ugly, healthy, sick and everything else. You don’t just marry the happy times and the times of success. You marry the trials, failures and the downright crappy times.
Divorce is often too easy of an escape. Understandably, if the situation calls for it, often divorce is your only option, but getting divorced because you just give up or it’s too hard or your husband or wife isn’t providing you with every want you desire, is a waste of everyone’s time.
There is no ideal marriage. There are examples we look up to, or aspects of relationships we aim to implement, but your marriage should be your own ideal marriage.
My husband and I have had it rough. We did not have the best start to a marriage. We struggled, we cried, we fought, we grew apart and lost sight of why we got married in the first place. We both contemplated giving up and we both felt alone.
But we made it through. We are still fighting but we are fighting to stay together. We are still crying, but crying for the time wasted. We are still struggling, but struggling for the purpose of improving, we are still growing apart, but from the people we used to be, and we now have it firmly implanted in our minds as to why we got married at all. We gave up on trying to attain the perfect marriage and instead focused on trying to strengthen the marriage we were blessed to have.
To truly be in love, is to love overall. We can’t pick and choose what to love. We can’t make excuses for what is lacking. We have to take responsibility and try. Marriage isn’t easy. If it was, divorce wouldn’t be so common. Don’t fall into thinking if it doesn’t work I’ll just leave. Date for the purpose of marriage and get married for the intention of staying.
Our generation so easily gives up on something imperfect. I feel like the generations before us treasured marriage and families and really held those relationships close. They worked through the struggles and hardships to ultimately come out better for it. I know for me personally, my grandparents are a beautiful example of what a forever love looks like. They were together over 50 years and struggled through a lot in their early years. They were poor, they had 5 boys and 2 girls and my grandfather worked multiple jobs so my nana wouldn’t have to. No matter what, they made it through. My grandfather passed away a week before Christmas last year and to hear all the memories from family members, of how beautiful a marriage they had, is something I want my kids to remember about their parents.
I want us to change the way our generation perceives marriage. I want my daughters and sons to grow up in a world where they know nothing is given, it has to be earned. Where they look at the marriage of their parents and know we are where we are because of the struggles we endured. I want them to know how hard marriage is. How much effort it takes and how much change it requires.
Marriage is hard, but marriage is worth it.
For those of you who are where I was, who feel like it won’t get better, it will; but you have to work at it. You have to make the conscious decision to say that’s enough and start making the changes that will give you the marriage you want.
Sometimes it takes you to be the difference you need.