So we made it! One year of marriage!! How time flies .. It really only feels like yesterday that we walked out of the temple doors as husband and wife ..
As with any anniversary that comes up, you can’t help but reflect on where the time has taken you .. What experiences and trials you’ve been through and what lessons you’ve learned .. As for me and my hubby, it’s definitely been a labour of love our first year of marriage ..
While every couple endures their own share of trials, ours has been especially monumental in shaping our relationship today ..
Being newly married, you have to learn how to be a unit .. You have to learn, grow and adapt to living with another person .. To sharing and cooperating .. Life becomes a lot less selfish and more so based on what you can do for each other ..
During our first few months of marriage, we forgot that. It was about US as individuals rather than a unit .. We fought to remain individuals rather than a couple .. Our communication lacked and our love for one another was overshadowed by selfishness and contention ..
We had forgotten the one goal we wanted to maintain in our marriage .. Putting the Lord first. Our temple attendance was low, our prayers were non-existent, our scripture study was sporadic and our church attendance wasn’t where it should be .. Because of our negligence in the fundamentals, our relationship struggled .. I became a reserved version of who I used to be and my husband became an angry and sad person .. I no longer wanted to give up my happiness for him and he no longer had tolerance and patience for the person I had become ..
We both realised the relationship we had created, yet we both didn’t know how to fix it. We talked about it and set goals, but we weren’t able to get where we wanted to be. We were on a road to destruction. We both loved each other so much, yet the pain caused affected us both .. We had forgotten why we married each other in the first place ..
Then came the move .. We made a decision, along with the Lords help, to move. We moved closer to the temple so we could attend more often, we moved to a place where we had our own space, we moved to a place where my husband would be an influence and where my husband could attend school .. Once we had made the decision, we prepared to move to start fresh ..
After the move, it wasn’t an easy, quick switch. There were a lot of bumps in the road and weeks of going 2 steps back with every one step forward. While we had everything we needed to improve, we still stayed in our slump. It wasn’t until one afternoon where everything clicked. Where we really looked at each other and decided we needed to change. After talking with a few people, we made some new goals and took it one day at a time. Soon after one day turned into two, then three, then a week .. Then before we knew it, a month had passed. While that month wasn’t perfect, it was the first one where we had managed to work through something by communicating; and for us that was huge. Soon we were happier and growing from strength to strength.
It has now been about 3 months since that night and I can honestly say we are better than ever. We talk more, we show love and appreciation, we attend the temple and church more regularly, we allow ourselves space, we do more together and we have time for one another. While we still aren’t perfect, we are perfect in trying.
While we have had a hard first year, I feel like it has contributed to our relationship and marriage in a big way. We came close to losing one another and I don’t like to think what would have happened had we not persevered. Because of our trials, we understand each other more and we know what to look for in order to keep ourselves on track. We trust each other and no longer try to compete against each other, but rather work together. Yes we still argue occasionally and get a bit angry, but it doesn’t last as long as it used to .. It doesn’t get as heated as it used to. While I still struggle with opening up, my husband is patient and takes time to read my appearance and work out how I feel even if I’ve shut down.
My husband is the most loving, selfless, helpful, strong, amazing person I know. He is those among other things. He always puts me first and he works hard everyday to be a better husband and eventual father. He still struggles with his own demons, yet he makes sure to love me fiercely and purely. He is not perfect, and neither am I; but we are perfect for each other.
He is my best friend, my happiness and frustration, he is my chef, my doctor, my overprotective carer, my fashion designer, builder, temple going, my cuddle buddy and so much more .. but most of all he is mine for eternity.
I know our struggles aren’t over. Really it’s just the start. But the worst is over and it has proven that we are strong enough to get through anything, as long as it’s together.
We made it through the ‘hardest year of marriage’, so bring on the easy years .. With moving, pregnancy, kids, jobs, callings and whatever else life throws at us ..
As long as I have my husband by my side, I know we can do it.
Mrs Yolo xoxo
If you are struggling in your relationship or if you have a story like mine, please share.. no marriage is perfect and if my story gives you hope, let me know.
For advice or just a friend, leave a comment and I’ll get back to you x