So if you’re reading this, it means my blog is finally live!!! WELCOME!! So over the last month I’ve just been building my blog and inserting a couple of posts as I get it all sorted but this is my first official post since becoming live!
I’ve written about dating the last couple blogs as I was warming up, but now I’m going to take a different turn. Time to personalise my posts.. Welcome to Life as Mrs Yolo!
Before I became the Official Mrs Yolo, there was quite a journey to be had. Of course this comes with the whole dating scene, then getting engaged and then being married. Of course in between the engagement and marriage, we find the wedding planning! Now while I had my dream wedding laid out on Pinterest, it all becomes so much more real when you actually ARE planning your own wedding! While a lot of our wedding had inspired ideas from my Pinterest the internet and other sources, we managed to make it our own.
After getting engaged, I found there was this moment of disbelief and numbness in which I realised that oh my goodness I’m engaged to the love of my life.. ITS REAL!! It’s a crazy feeling.. After all the talks of being married and spending our lives together and all that jazz, it was finally a reality.. It’s such an overwhelming feeling coming to that realisation. Of course, once all the buzz dies down, there’s the inevitable reality of WEDDING PLANNING!
Now for some, this can be a very daunting experience.. We all want to have the perfect wedding that we have been dreaming of since we were little.. And we want everything to go perfectly to reduce the stress on us as the couple and also on our families. While we had a relatively easy road to the initial planning and execution, we had a few bumps in the road along the way.
For those of you who encounter these bumps, I hope to share a few insights as to how to overcome these. For those of you planning weddings, I hope to make your job a little easier as you can look over our ideas and little things we did to make it easier.
Me and my husband come from two different cultures; he is Tongan and I am Maori. Now while this never posed a problem in dating and being engaged, it did come to light a lot more during the planning stages. While I’ve spoken to some friends since being married (and finding out they dealt with the same struggles we encountered), at the time, me and my then fiancé felt alone and really felt we only had each other who understood what we felt. It wasn’t until later we realised others had felt the same. For those of you who may deal with minor cultural clashes, you’re not alone! While it may be hard to see it now, (and it definitely was for us), the two families are coming from a place of love and excitement. To see that you aren’t alone, I’ll share a couple of examples of adversity we faced.
Being Mormons, me and my husband had the opportunity to be sealed for time and all eternity in the Hamilton New Zealand temple. In our faith, we believe that being sealed means it is an everlasting covenant that does not end in death. While both my husband and myself respect our cultures, to us, our faith is our culture. In bringing this to our wedding, we wanted to limit the amount of cultural aspects to allow for the importance of the temple to remain present at the wedding reception. To show respect to our cultures, we both agreed that having his sister do the Ta’o Lunga and my family do the haka was something we both wanted and were happy with. As far as items and songs and long speeches and worldly celebrations, we didn’t feel this would reflect us as a couple. We encountered some problems with this decision as family members wanted to incorporate different cultural things and protocols, but we stood firm. It’s a hard thing to stand up to your family, especially those who are older, but we managed. It wasn’t without consequence though, as some family members decided they would no longer attend our wedding which was a sad outcome for us. Ultimately we knew that those who loved us enough, irrespective of cultures and differences of opinions, would be there to celebrate with us regardless.
Another issue we encountered was with our guest list. Both families wanted to invite certain people of importance to them but with us not really having a relationship with them. We wanted to make sure that all those who had played an important part in our lives were able to share in our day and not miss out. We wanted to look back on photos and see the faces of those we love and know, not have to pick our brains as to who it was. One of the reasons we chose our reception location and venue was to 1) keep everyone safe (health and safety) and 2) to ensure we didn’t have any unexpected guests show up as we had catered for the amount of people invited and set out the venue in regards to our numbers. After having some issues, we allocated a few invites to our families to invite whom they wished but after that it was up to us.
It wasn’t long into the planning that we realised that a lot of compromising was going to be made on our parts.. Something we found to be hard. We had to endeavour to remember that the temple was the most important part of the day and this helped us to be more positive throughout the process. For those of you who encounter these problems, just remember that you two are the most important and the fact that you are choosing to take this step in starting a life together is something to be happy about; the adversity you face is nothing in comparison.. We didn’t realise this until we were counselling with my husband’s best friend about the same issues we faced.
After these initial issues, the rest of the planning was relatively easy..
While every couple will have their own little bumps along the way, the important thing that got us through was the fact that every day that passed, was another day closer to us being husband and wife. I will admit it was tough; there were nights we both cried to each other on the phone with the pressures of being apart and dealing with things becoming too much. We also had moments of explosion where the stress caused us (I know definitely me) to become CRAZY! But at the end of the day, looking back, it isn’t as big a deal as I felt then. Looking back on my wedding day, I remember all the smiles and tears and happy moments.. None of the drama and stress could ever amount to those memories.
Remember, you aren’t alone.. There are so many couples who have their own struggles.. I know for me, looking through wedding inspiration and reading articles and things based on marriage made me feel worse! Based on the premise that no one seemed to have any trouble.. So I really felt alone.. But I wanted to show any of you out there struggling that, I FEEL YOUR PAIN! It’s ok to cry and get a little mad.. After all, it’s your special day.. But remember, families and friends who give you grief, they only do and say what they do because they love you. And even though it may not be the way you would like, they’re dealing with their own emotions too! So be kind, communicate your feelings and just remember, when you’re married, IT’S ALL OVER!
If you would like to chat more about my experience or even any struggles you’re having, or if you want to leave some advice for anyone else, leave a comment!
You can do it!
Mrs Yolo xoxo